So it's pretty much all set - I go to the hospital Monday (finally) to deal with my mania and insomnia. As a few of you know, I haven't really slept in about three months and no one really knows how I'm still coherent, keeping my job, or still putting sentences together. I've been lucky the past few nights I've gotten about 2.5 hours of sleep in a row - almost made me think I didn't need to go anymore - but realistically that's not the case, is it?

I'll be honest, I'm scared and apprehensive. I've had one experience with inpatient before almost three years ago (I was a severe alcoholic, thank goodness that's not the case anymore, I've been sober ever since that day) and I can't say it was a very "relaxing" sort of time. I'm not naive, there were others in there dealing with much worse problems than my own and I'm sure that'll be the case this time as well. The question I have is will I get the rest I need while I'm there? I know I have a bit of technology addiction issues, so I'm apprehensive about going off the grid, as it were... I'm not a phone person, just emails and texts, that's how I stay connected to my family and friends. I highly doubt they'll let me have my phone/iPad in there... Gosh, I sound whiny. Sorry.

I guess I just don't know what to expect and it's stressing me. I didn't know what to expect in Rio either to some extent, but there was a palatable reward. Does that make sense? I'm not exactly going to have vacation pics from Restful Psych Ward #3... I guess I need to change my attitude and think of it as that I will get the help I need and have a good base for ongoing care to control my BP, who knows? Maybe I'll make a friend or two along the way. Maybe it's the best trip I can take right now that will have the most benefit for the long haul.

This got to be a long post - thanks for reading. And as always, any input is always welcome and appreciated!