I know what you are gong through, and I am so sorry.

I am 56, as I went through menopause I started to cycle more quickly and began having horrible Mixed states. They are so bad, being depressed with the energy of mania is something hard to put in words.

It drives everyone away from me , I end up in the hospital more often because my suicidal thoughts have the energy of mania behind them.

My PDOC always wants to medicate me more. I have a horrid time with Psyc meds, bad reactions and intolerable side effects.

So, nothing is really under control.

Again my thoughts are with you