OK these are some of my conclusions. I have never felt motivated in a positive sense. I have done things out of urgency. I don't think they are at all the same which people have made me believe, so I'm glad I'm finally corrected.

I think the reason some people don't know motivation and don't understand it that it is an automated process in most people and lacking that you don't have an hidden power to take you from A to B. Everything is pulled up in the open, every little effort is deeply felt, every step is done with more energy than most people use, because a conscious process takes more energy.

I "motivate" myself, but it it always self talk, like I need to do certain things or want to reach something, it's like a mental whip. Wanting to reach B isn't enough for me to take action in any positive sense. Even if it is a positive goal my starting to work on it is always hard and negative. I have never done something with joy to reach a good thing.

I have no idea if it is possible to push things down on on a subconscious level so just some positive WANT will happen. It would be great but I don't know any methods for it. The only time I feel joy in an activity is when I have managed to work myself up to the point where I am doing it or about to. All my other activities are negative because of the complicated way my brain prefers to do them.

Now I feel most people are cheaters, LOL. They should have to do life like this as well.