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Old Jan 03, 2013, 11:35 AM
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Big Mama Big Mama is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,191
Open Thank you so much. I really need someone to understand. I do feel a little better today then yesterday. Days I have T are usually hard. As soon as the dust begins to settle it gets stired up again. But I know that is part of the healing process.


Some of the things you said are so right.

"So If you were to spend time and research how people with PTSD write, you will begin to notice that they leave out words or may not express a complete summary of how they are struggling. And when someone is writing while triggered, there will be more missing words or thought patterns in their communications."

Thats me. I can't speak most of the time. My words just want come, I have learned to repeat what I just said in an attempt to add another word. That was my T's suggestion to bring things back when I dissociate and catch myself but then can't remember where I was going w/ something. Some times it works sometimes it does not but having it to work sometimes is better then none of the time. I can write alot of what I feel it slows the thought process down. In the middle of a triggering event if I can just get out very scattered very messy list of things I want to say , things I feel, and things I need to remember before they are gone it help alot. My T usually says, what is this it makes no sence. I tell her I didn't have the time of mental effort to organize my thoughts after I got them out.

What I talk about alot is how with PTSD, what can happen is "sudden unexpected" outbursts. And unfortunately, the only time we can address them is "after" they happen
for example when your husband touched you and you suddenly said, don't touch me before you could "consciously" have a warning that you were going to respond.

I can manage to get myself in so much trouble w/ this. The words just fall out. This to has happened in T. I throw my hands up over my mouth and think OMG I so did not mean to say that that way. Usually it is the very raw honest truth. I once thanked my H for building me such a nice prison. I was talking about our new house and how I was a slave to it and had to stay here all the time. He held over my head the fact that he built us a new house and I thanked him for building me such a nice prison. Yikes that was not a good conversation but it was the most blunt thing I was thinking and it jsut fell out. I do manage to get myself in to trouble from time to time.

As hard as it was for me Big Mama, I kept who I was at PC and tried my best to either appologize or even vent to a few members who understood. I was lucky because there were times where I was able to have someone there to quietly recognize my challenge and validate me as well as encourage me to "keep trying".

Open this is you, I am so blessed to have met you. You are my saving grace some days. I appologize and feel crappy and you come along and confirm I am not crazy, I am just dealing w/ a life that includes PTSD. It takes people like you and the ability you have to help folks like me and so many others. I am so grateful for you. It takes someone who has been there or is there right now to show you that you are not alone and how to get threw the tuff stuff.

what you have been discribing as your challenges are actually "normal" to the struggle with PTSD.

Normal, do you know how long it has been sence someone said you are NORMAL, and I feel just a little normal. Ages it feels like. I walk around w/ hell living inside of me and pleasantness shows on the outside. It is normal. Thank got it is normal, I am normal. It is not so bad to be normal and ordinary you know. Actually it is quite nice. I gotta locate that book. I'm going to the library today. Hopefully they can locate it and send it up from one of the other branches.

TRAUMA AND RECOVERY, by Judith Herman. Mental note made. Thank you
Hugs from:
Anonymous33145, Open Eyes