I have been bulimic for going on 18 years. Half my life. I am so sick of making myself sick. If I don't eat and purge, I just don't eat. I am so afraid of getting fat and having no control. I just want to die. I also am an incest survior. Bi-polar hypo manic and I also cut and burn myself. I have made 4 serious suicide attempts. I feel I am not even good enough for God to take me away from this hell I am living in.