Hi Lost! WELCOME!!! I know that feeling of being ashamed of myself and where I am in my life. UGH It really sucks. This is a great site full of really supportive people. This site really helps me not feel alone. I hope it is comforting for you as well. Try to be more gentle on yourself. When I'm down on myself I try to objectively look at what has happened to me in this life and ask myself if any normal person could do any better. My answer is usually no. If you're here and reaching out you're doing more than a lot of people. Good luck and welcome, again! ANNIE