Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeMoira
I.Am.The.End, I was too afraid to even go to my graduation. When it came down to it, I really needed a break from people. Then I had to use tools I know have helped before, like journalling/meditation/exercise/affirmations/reading about mental illness. I had to chip away at the big block in my brain for five months alone in a room before I could make my brain flexible enough to believe I could try for jobs. I still haven't applied or even looked for full time jobs in my field. One entry level clerical job, which I was qualified for 15 years ago with no school. Two temp volunteer jobs. And those are victories--really! I'm just trying bit by bit and trying everything I can to help myself.
I always wished there was someone to sit and listen to me complain about how hard it was and reassure me while I did applications. If you ever have that wish and think it will help you look for jobs, feel free to PM me!! Anything I can do to help.
Also, I'm bisexual and happy about it! But I think all queer people go through hard times figuring out their identity. But keep the label or chuck it: it's your life! Good luck on your dating endeavors. Always an adventure online!! Yes, it's harder if you don't post on anyone else's...it'll take a bit more time that way, but you're bound to meet someone!! Everyone likes musicians...I should know; I married one.  |
I've already graduated before, so I know I have no trouble with that. And none of the jobs I actually want are jobs you apply/interview for (unless you include auditioning). If you're a composer (which I am) you just go get commissions and actually you need someone to "promote" you if you want to write for college wind ensembles (where the money is...and what I like doing, at least when I'm not doing 4 pieces at once on top of all the other commissioned stuff). I also want to be in/start a band. I don't know how to go about that as I'd have to be close to those people/really trust them in order to actually write songs (I'm referring to a rock band specifically in this case). If I go back to live in my hometown, I can get spots in a mariachi band and a jazz band by name recognition only (anywhere else I'd probably have to audition). I don't really want to move back though...I don't know. I don't feel like I have a choice anymore.
I know one thing—if I move back to my hometown, I'm not dating. Ever. I'll probably never date wherever I am but it is 100% certain if I'm that close to my parents and the worst homophobes (two different groups of people) in the US, I will never date. Although I doubt I'd be able to have any music performed in that town (especially if people find out I'm not straight) as every concert will be picketed and people won't be able to get in. It's not like I think these people are going to physically hurt me, I just don't want an angry mob following me around. Guess if I move back home, I'll have to marry a dude.
I'm not sure you understand my position here...if I have any level of fame at all (which I will unless I completely leave music as I already have a little) I can't date without ruining my career. Unless of course I only date guys.
I might take you up on that PM offer though.