I have always been fascinated with death for some reason.

I had faced death once as a child and once as a teen when I was aged both 9 and 16 and both of these near death experiences were positive (I felt love, joy and happiness for the first time) and I almost passed away due to the actions/neglect of others, and not due to my own actions.

But during an extreme low point in my life a few years ago, I started to think about suicide for the first time and I was begining to think up a plan.....which is very very serious. I found myself on You Tube and I watched some videos on suicide (I did not save the links) but after watching a few of the videos, I realised how lucky I was to be alive.

I do not want to describe the videos in detail because I don't want to freak anyone out, but it was gross, really urghhhhh but I needed to see it and it helped me at the time.

I am also familliar with what happens to a person's spirit after they commit suicide and I am being extremly honest, I will never, ever consider it again for as long as I live. I will always remember those images and stay alive. I hope if anyone out there is feeling desperate that they get inspiration from my post and choose to live.