Things are not going so well for me right now. I feel more alone than ever.

I live alone and can go the entire night without talking to anyone. I just got told by a guy I was "talking to" that he doesn't think there is anything there. Did I mentioning divorced and my ex is happily married? I don't have kids and my parents are pressuring me to give them grandchildren. My grandmother thinks that since I'm 32 that I'm too old to find someone and settle down to start a family.

I used to have an eating disorder which I conquered but all I want right now is to have that back. I want to be skinny again. I want a guy to like me. I want to fall in love and feel that again. I want to snuggle with someone. I want to WANT to get back in the gym, and yet I have every excuse in the book to not walk across to the clubhouse where the gym is (right where I live) and use the facilities. It's an excuse. I look at my overweight mom and pray I don't let myself get like that.I have just gone off the pill, so now my face is breaking out. I just look and feel ugly.

I don't have any friends, and the few I do call my "friends" have kids now and they are too busy for the likes of me. I'm doing online dating but I feel like a loser. Only guys who like me are the ones that I don't like back.

Think of the good things right? Idk what's good in my life. For example-new years eve all I did was spend it alone and went to bed by 11. I'm a freaking loser. My only friend that I talk to just ditched me...he was an ex bf that I dated for a year. He told me his current gf doesn't want me talking to him...so he is cutting all contact. Mind u I broke up with him, so idk why she thinks I'm all about him or something.

I don't feel like I should even be here anymore. What's the point?