Triggered a few days ago and can barely see the light. I'm feeling so little and young and vulnerable and hurt. Don't know how I can handle it. I'm a seasoned controller of my emotions so when I do get overwhelmed it is so painful. I'm used to fighting it off and my therapist is so good and I like her so much and I miss her so much. I don't know how I can make it without her caring or without seeing or without talking to her until the next time. It feels hopeless. It feels like I will never be able to face the pain and that I will never be able to not feel so wounded and crushed. My strong self shows so nobody except T and 1 email friend and here now. It is lonely to think that everyone thinks I'm doing great. I don't understand that at all. It seems like it would feel great to have people think I'm so strong. I've been so strong all the time that it feels like I should be allowed to need help.