Originally Posted by IcryWhoAmI
Hi, I'm looking for help or some advice, or just something.
I've felt quite depressed for a few years, I don't know if it is depression or something else, but that's how I've felt. I've been meaning to go to the doctors, but I'm too shy or scared too. I have no one to ask, or to help me.
I haven't any friends, and no, I can't tell my parents. They're just not those type of people. They're the ones who usually laugh and take the mick, rather than have sympathy or empathy.
I've been to many websites and forums and it's always the same thing[s].
First you get told to tell someone. - The reason that I can't is because I'm too shy, and no I can't get over it.
Then you get told to take it, 'One step at a time' - What is the first step, or the second, or last? How do you take the first step, or when to? If you don't know this, how will you get there. It's a silly thing to say really. It doesn't help or make anyone feel better. [Not me anyway]
Then it's to go out and meet someone or to do something different - How can I do this, if I'm too shy to even see a doctor? How am I to do something different when I'm too shy too. I'm also very lazy, I barely get up unless I need food, or the bathroom. I don't even know what doing 'something different' means. Shall I go to a strip club? Meet a random person then get murdered?
Usually it's 'find a local group or activity that you enjoy'. I've already said I'm too shy, secondly, I'm not a fan of people, and usually at 'local groups' they're all older people. I'm only 19. [20 on sat 5th]
Thirdly, I don't enjoy any activities, or don't know that I do. Yes, I like reading, but my literacy skills aren't great and I have a short memory, so book clubs are out of the questions. Yes, I like music [Rock], but I'm not going to go to a bar or concert by myself. Yes, I like movies, but I'm not going to go to the cinema by myself. etc.
There aren't a lot of psychiatrists near me, so please don't tell me to find one. Even when there are, they're expensive and I haven't the money for them.
Even when there are people who genuinely try to help, I don't take it. I don't know why this is, It's not that I don't want the help, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered with all that typing, I just can't take it for some reason. Usually it's because they said something silly after which I've already said I couldn't do. But most of the time, I just read the response, and I'm just like 'No.'
I just feel like no one really understands me, like REALLY. I know it's hard to, but if you read what I type right, maybe it will make more sense. [Even though that doesn't].
I feel like I live in a bubble kind of, or like I'm an alien or a child again. It's like nothing in the world makes sense to me. I have to question everything and everyone. Why we do this, why that, why we act like this, etc.. It may be normal to question things, but I will spend a good half hour pondering about it to myself.
I know I'm blabbing, and thanks if your still here. I just needed to get stuff out. ["Well, this is the place to be"]. I know.
I don't know if this is a question or not, or if it's just mumblings of a lonely person, so don't feel obliged to respond or anything.
And well, think that's all for now.
I feel like I've forgotten something.
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