Hi. Yes, you came to the right place. As far as you're being lazy, I don't believe it. Depression sucks all the life and energy out of a person. No one would choose to lay in bed all day. When I was younger, probably a bit older than you are now, I went to our family physician because I was depressed. He told me he thought I was just making it up so that I didn't have to go to work. When professionals say things like that, its no surprise that people with depression feel like they are lazy.

When people tell you that you need to see someone, I think its because they want to help, but don't know how. There are a lot of emotional and psychiatric problems that are very similar in thier symptoms. Sometimes even shrinks have a hard time diagnosing a problem. Just a theory, I could be wrong.

Depression or any other problem that is similar cannot be "gotten over" just like that. If it could, then it wouldn't be a problem. Its unlikely that its just going to go away. You are stuck in the "buts" cycle. For every suggestion, there is a "but". Don't worry, that isn't an accusation. I do it all the time myself. Emotional pain is highly under-rated. We will sacrifice our health and sometimes our lives to protect the doors behind which live the reasons for the pain. Most people are aware of how psychotherapy works, or at least have an idea, from T.V. etc. We know that if we go, the therapist is going to want us to change something. As bad as we are feeling, we are used to that feeling. We know what to expect. Going to a therapist means risking more pain that we aren't used to and don't know what to expect. It also means opening one of those doors that we are trying so hard to protect to someone we don't even know. Once we tell the therapist, we can't take it back, nor do we know what they will do with the information.

I won't tell you to tell your parents. I never did. They were conservative, everything stayed in the family and you didn't talk about family problems outside the family. They found out when I tried to take my life. I have little memory of that day. Just peices. A cop circling the house, peering through the window. A large hand on my neck as I puked my guts into a trash can the was pushed under my face. A young male voice saying, "I hate this". My mother sliding down the wall in the ER cubicle, passing out as my heart rate hit 200 and kept climbing. I don't know if things would have been different if I had leveled with them, but I do know that they would not have had to find out that way.

Like you, I stay away from people. In a business setting, ok, but if its personal or social, forget it. I've lived with a good friend and her husband for fifteen years now. They opened their home to me at a time in my life when I wasn't sure I would even be around the next day. I know their kids, and they accept me as family. However, if more than one person is downstairs, I won't come out of my room. Fifteen years and the anxiety of being around people is so bad that even my adopted family scares me.

Why am I telling you this? Because I'm 49 now and help captive by my own depression and fear. Maybe some of your questions were answered. Maybe not. What I do know is that you are going to have to make a choice. Just realize that what you choose now will effect you for the rest of your life. I have no business telling you what to do, who to tell or where to go. That is something you will have to decide for yourself. If you decide you want to talk more, I'll be here and so will the others.

Sam2