*note: her= my best friend that i just was visitng

I wish there was a crying emoticon. Because that's all I've been doing since the plane took off.

I miss her so much. I am so lonely. I had a week in which I was able to drop the act and just live. Being here is just too painful. I am a mess. It all is. So much is wrong I can't even begin to think about how to fix it. I can't even tell u because I've given up trying to explain myself. It makes no difference. It just causes more issues. I might as well just give it all up because it seems like I am destined for a life of misunderstanding and unhappiness anyway. Who am I even doing this for? Not for you. For me? I don't care anymore. So... What even is the point.

This whole trip was a bad idea. I should have known. It keeps getting worse. It wont stop. How can u expect me to work when I can barely get through each minute. I feel like I'm beyond all hope of rescue now. Saturday seems so far off. The good thing about her was that she was there. Right then. I don't know if I can make it to Saturday. I need to talk to someone now. I don't even know what I would say. Maybe I just want to trick myself into feeling like I'm not alone.

I miss her in bed beside me. I miss knowing that I could reach over and squeeze her arm, just because. It's so empty and so lonely tonight. I feel like my insides are being torn apart. I hate it. It hurts so much. I feel so alone in it all