Just as there are no words that can describe your pain, there are also no words that can describe the empathy I feel for you. Though I have lost some close to me, I have never lost a child and can't bring myself to imagine what that must be like.

A few years ago, only three months after a very painful divorce, I lost my father. Struggling with BiPolar depression only magnified the pain. There was no amount of medication that could help. I had to do something and it caused me to entirely shift the way I thought. I realized that the only person that lived in my head was me, therefore the only thoughts that mattered were mine. The emotions, including the incredible pain I felt were being driven by my thoughts. So it became imperative that I changed my thoughts. It would be impossible to go from that devastating place to feeling somewhat normal again if I hadn't. I began to look for things to be grateful for. Being a nurse and having the privilege of taking care of him at the end was at the top of my list. Getting closer to him, telling him how much I loved him, looking back at all the lessons he taught me... were just a few. Sometimes I had to go over that list every five minutes, but it felt better when I did. Sometimes, even four years later, I still have to go over that list and it still feels better. Like with your son, that hole will never be filled, but I can go on and that's what he would have wanted.

My prayers and most positive intentions are with you.

James