Thank you all for taking your time to respond, I do appreciate it a lot.

I just want a life, you know? To find something I'm good at, to get a job and make money and find friends, I just can't. I'm so useless at everything, I think why bother? It's hopeless. I have no motivation to do anything and it's hard to change. I find it hard to understand myself let alone to let someone else try. I'm so closed off from the world. I just hate every part of my life, of me and who I am.