Hi, trytosurvive! Glad you've managed to keep functioning at a high level while dealing with issues that are really painful to experience.

My development: Both of my parents were socially isolated, and both used alcohol to avoid their feelings. My dad lacked empathy and thought "others" were selfish/small-minded/stupid. He tended to lecture about ideas/philosophy/projects instead of talking with us. My mom could be very warm unless we needed something; then she became cold, distant, physically present but unavailable. I have a long history of bullying by peers because of race, poverty, shyness, awkwardness, and appearance. I never had problem solving or follow-through modeled for me. So I tend to run from problems and try to hide from pain, while achieving academically/professionally because that's the way I got attention before.

I find that working through these issues is essential to functioning better. All the exposure in the world doesn't help me if I'm not attacking my inner "rules" for behavior.

I'm glad you're posting here. Have you been able to discuss any of these issues with other people, or have you been hiding your inner feelings to look more competent and polished? I find it very difficult to be vulnerable. Posting here helps a lot, and helps me sort out when it is a good idea to self-disclose, instead of going from repressed to spilling my guts to anyone who actually feels safe! Welcome!