Chris, I wanted to let you know that I can completely relate to your descriptions of your feelings about relating to other people. I could have written that. And, yes, I feel constantly watched.

About the hat wearing, lots of people with different types of anxiety have "safety behaviors," objects/rituals/techniques/ways of behaving that minimize anxious feelings in a situation that is triggering. Safety objects are not uncommon. Deep breathing techniques are even a safety behavior. So is leaving a party early or carrying around a water bottle. Lots of people have something they do--wearing the same hat does not seem that unusual to me.

I think I say this to everyone, but seriously GOOD for you for recognizing that you need to tackle this. I went five years where I was seriously cutting off everyone and doing less and less before I realized it was not normal. Until then, I kept rationalizing my behaviors and so I couldn't get better.

Did you ever meet with a psychiatrist? Sorry, I don't remember if you posted about that. I know this is a late response!

5000, welcome and great job posting. Are you currently getting any help from doctors or therapists? Lots of treatments revolve around exposure; is that something you've learned about yet? How is your social network right now? (I know that's a hard question to answer, so I'll admit I have no social network outside of my family! And I'm lucky to have any relationships with them!)