I just want a life, you know? That is your first step. You are already off and running. We all want a life, or wanted one. If you're breathing, you still have one. Now the question is, what to do with it? To find something I'm good at, to get a job and make money and find friends, Doing really well so far. You know what you want and how to get it. Well, friends might be a little harder but I think you've already made a few here. I just can't. I'm so useless at everything, I think why bother? It's hopeless. Do not repeat these words more than once. If you do it may become your mantra. That wouldnt compliment your previous accomplishments. I have no motivation to do anything and it's hard to change. Motivation is the depresseds living mate. If you want a life, with jobs and friends, you'll need to move past this somehow. Probably where those annoying suggestions are trying to take you. I find it hard to understand myself let alone to let someone else try. Take it in smaller pieces if thats easier. I'm so closed off from the world. I just hate every part of my life, of me and who I am. I never completely hated myself. There were a lot of things I didnt like. Im sorry you feel so badly. Here is where I say some of those silly things and you get annoyed.

Treatment resistant is exactly that. Its very difficult to treat. There are some technical definitions here at PC you could read and another from Wiki. Im not a doc, this is a self help support website but there are some pretty sharp people around. For myself I will say that the resistor it turns out, was me, not the depression. I, like you, had thousands of excuses why I couldnt do this or that or so and so person couldnt help. When I began letting down my refusal to let the good guys win, I began to feel better. Not that Im cured at all.