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Originally Posted by guesswhat?
I just discovered my alters a few months ago, and its overwhelming me. At least I think its been a few months, I don't remember. I don't remember ANYTHING! It's just like even the smallest let down, or problem is a huge blow to me, and I just can't hold up against all of the pressure anymore. Everything's so fast and I can't catch up. I can barely breath. I don't know how long i can do this before i just give up trying to gasp for air against this ocean of overwhelmingness. And everyone thinks I'm normal. No one knows whats going on. No one would believe me. What do I do???
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I found out that I have alters a little less than two years ago. I had always thought that everyone had the cross talk in their head like I did. Or the distinct change in personality to deal with a particular situation like I did. Up until two years ago I was able to deal with it. But out of no where I begun having panic attacks, a near suicide attempt, tremendous amounts of fear, crying, and getting very very angry for no apparent reason. My system of alters was overwhelming the controls I had developed over time. They wanted me to acknowledge them. Only I didn't know I had alters I just thought I was going insane. I decided I didn't want to die but couldn't promise myself that I wouldn't commit suicide. So I started going to therapy. When I realized I had alters I freaked out. I was totally overwhelmed and felt like a freak. The more I learned that my alters were created by me to protect and help me when I was being abused the more I was able to embrace them. It took a while for my mind to settle down from racing thoughts, panic attacks and wanting to hide all the time. I don't like to admit it but anxiety medication helped with the panic and fear, Zoloft helped with the compulsive thoughts and sort of allowed my alters to slow down with their talking. I am still figuring out my system and who and why my alters were created. The feeling you describe of being overwhelmed and perhaps also afraid are normal for us with DID. You just have to take your time, take the meds if prescribed, and go to therapy. I hated therapy in the beginning and would go and say nothing. But after a while I realized I needed to talk to someone about what I was experiencing. My therapist allowed me to take the time to feel comfortable in session. You will be fine and the scary feelings you have now will settle down the more you understand your system. We with DID are strong, we created alters to save ourselves, and we continue to protect and save ourselves through therapy. You will be fine. And if you need support or have questions this is the place. Be well.