My T and I just started by talking about the fact the rage exists, and he reassured me fairly often that it is actions and not feelings that make people abusers. Feeling angry was justified and did not make me like the abusers in my life. I found these discussions with my T so distressing, that I did not even remember the first few times we talked about it. It does get better and easier, though, as you become a little more comfortable with the fact that anger does not equal abuse.