I've been waiting at least 4 months to find out whether or not they need any more information or have made any progress or anything. I went to the office a few weeks ago and they said I should hear something back this month so I am hoping for that. But yeah I am getting pretty restless not having much to do and constantly having to worry about how to even afford the bus.

Luckily my dad is able to help some with money though hes out of work at the moment so hes not going to be able to help much for a while...he's staying with a friend and would likely be homeless if he wasn't. My mom also agreed to give me around 20 dollars a week if I help out around the house like sweep, mop at least and whatever else I notice that needs done as well as watching my brother where needed. Other then that though my mom works all day and the bus is too expensive for me to really go and try and find things to do to occupy myself.......Even something like volunteering would be a bit of an issue unless I want to spend all of what little I do get on the bus since my mom can only afford to get me bus tickets every so often which barely covers a few rides to visit my dad and/or just to get out of the house and do something different.

I can't really better spend the money I have since its not much and I don't really need anymore stuff to store in my room so I use it for bus money if I don't have the bus tickets, food, drinks and mostly things that run out. Since I don't really get enough to save up for anything like a new t.v to replace the one in my room or anything else like that I'd want, unless I want to spend all my time cleaning and being stuck around the house since if I am saving the money I can't use it for the bus or activities outside the house aside from walking in the park.

So yeah before I get too far off track the point is I am running out of patience and not quite sure what to do about it. I mean the temptation is there to try and just mask all my symptoms and dysfunctionality as best I can to try and find a part time job I can manage to keep....but I know just like every other time I'll only over strain myself and get burnt out that is 'if' I even was able to get a job in the first place and its a pretty big if. So my best bet really is to wait on the SSI......I just feel so useless waiting around for that while having to depend on my mom for a place to live, food and a bit of money and my dad for a bit of money or help with paying my pay as you go phone. I mean its not like they are well off though my mom is doing better than my dad financially but I know it strains them having to help me out.

Its a bit of a ramble but yeah its been getting to me. I mean a the moment it seems this country is great well that is until you look at how the mentally disabled, probably physically disabled(but I haven't dealt with that) and poor are treated. I mean dragging out the process so it takes as long as possible for someone who cant function well enough for work just to get a small fixed income to barely survive on seems like a bad policy to me. I actually think if I did get SSI I could make it work though I might not be able to get a place of my own or anything. I guess maybe I am just a little bit angry about it as well. I spent my whole childhood being 'patient' just coping with things I shouldn't have been coping with hoping one day it would be better just so long as I worked hard and kept going and did my best to mask weaknesses or how things made me feel. So if I seem overly impatient then that's why....because I am tired of it and would like to actually start my life, a bit of consistant income seems like a good start to me not that I necessarily like it but in this society its hard to survive without income.