This is kind of a rant post but I'm also reaching out to anyone who has experienced similar situations.

Okay, so I have a problem with impulsive spending, and therefor wasn't able to afford my ADHD meds in December (vyvanse 50mg @ $160 a month)-- also part of me wanted to figure out if i really even have it because im skeptical right now--

Please note that I haven't taken my meds today either and my thoughts are in and out (meaning that I have a good feeling that half of this post won't be in order or it won't make any sense).

When I'm on my meds it's almost like I feel high(I've never used drugs though, but I'm sure I've never felt like this before) and when I don't take my meds I feel somewhat depressed, over sleep, can't sleep at night, feel sluggish all day, irritable, upset easily. I'm not going to run you through that list because most of you already know it. But when I take my meds I feel very rushed to do things, like I'm aware that I can get SO much done because I think or truely believe that the meds help me focus and complete things, but yet i still have trouble while on meds.

When I don't take my meds i get moody and eventually have breakdowns, anxiety attacks and cry a lot. I also experience days or part of days where I feel like I have taken my medication. One day I thought I took my meds and at the end of the day I realized I hadn't by accident..but I didn't notice that I hadn't taken it. That made me think that maybe I don't even need them or that it was just psychological that if i think ive taken them then ill be fine.

I got suspended from work on new years eve (after my shift thankfully though) for 2 weeks, but I'm going away from the 18th-21st so they told me it would end on the 23rd. Thats 3 weeks and 2 days, not 2 weeks -.- .
It sounds like my bosses believe I make everyone act like me when I'm in a bad mood, it wasn't said like that but I ended up telling them that I haven't been taking my meds and what I had and things like that. I admit that I've had a bad attitude but I did take my meds during the busy shifts because I knew they'd help. What they're describing me as lately though, seems like someone who is bipolar, but my psychiatrist would have ruled that out if he thought it was that.

When I do take my meds I feel pressured and stressed and I sometimes feel like I can't calm down. Almost like the opposite of what they're supposed to do. My mood is better, I'm almost always laughing sometimes at nothing, and things happen and I brush it off like I don't care. It feels good to be on them, but I don't think they're supposed to make me switch "polar opposites" like that.

Any input to this? I guess I'm just wanting to know if anyone is in the same boat..