Very bad night last night. One BONAFIDE nightmare... don't remember it at all, think it had something to do with someone or something in my room (maybe triggered by the incident with the police a few weeks ago?) but the kind where I scream in the dream and wake up to find I am screaming out loud for real... then sit paralysed with fright in bed until I can fall asleep again.

It is a very positive thing though that I am so comfortable in my home... my growing fright when I wake like this is the realization that I am not a kid in my parents home so there is no one to here me calling... but these things never linger and they never trigger me to be afraid when I am alone day or night.

But last night in addition to that horror dream I also had SEVERAL of my currently general anxiety dreams with regard to work and future. And when I did wake this morning I was sensitive to sounds around my house wondering if the police or someone else was coming in again, so it took me a while to get past that and get out of bed.



I do think that I am finally improving but now the "real world" anxiety is getting tough to bear. Especially regarding a job. I'm back to forcing myself to the one-day-at-a-time thing... realizing that just because I am starting to feel better doesn't mean I am ready to jump out and start interviewing for jobs... on the other hand I'll have to start doing that soon for practical reasons.

After my bad experience coming home from the hospital, attempting to return to work, and dealing with this illness in general, the "just do it and once I start everything will be fine" approach doesn't work for me anymore.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com