My name is Cajun and I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I last spring, at age 28.

I have suffered through my first depression at age 17 and started treatment (first SSRIs, then Bupropion) for depressive disorder at age 23, after my second depression. Although my dad was diagnosed with BPD1 since I was 16 (and after years of struggles), I guess we had a taboo in the family and did not want to admit we, the children, could be as well.

I did not accept/realize my feeling better and my subsequent crazy high productivity and happiness to be symptoms of a disease and went through a series of cycles between ages 23 and 28… Until my cycles reached epic proportions.

Last year, I have been going through a depression of depth I could not imagine possible. I have been very badly diagnosed and treated, again with bupropion, and after months of increasing treatment, reached a two weeks mania, followed by an equally long mixed state, including mild psychosis. These weeks have truly been the longest of my life and had devastating consequences on my relationships.

Late in the spring, I started to see specialists that finally diagnosed with my BPD1 and am taking Agomelatin ever since. I have slowly started to emerge from what will have been a 9 months depression punctuated with rapid cycles. I agreed with the therapists that we would wait until further cycles develop to add a true mood stabilizer to the mix.

The reason I am sharing my story with you today is threefold:
First, I think it is important for me to share feelings and experiences with people that can actually understand them. I have found extremely hard to share these feelings with my friends as I think they might not be able to understand the full spectrum of emotions we bipolars can experience

Second, I am currently feeling a relapse in depression and would love to share insights with people that have experiences depression of similar lengths (1 year +) and how they have managed it, because it is getting increasingly difficult to me

Third, I would like to share that the Agomelatin has had sexual side effects on me. I have shared it with my psychiatrist and he has prescribed Cialis to me. I would love to understand if this is a common practice to mix Antidepressants with ED drugs, because although quite effective I do not know if it sustanaible

I am very open to feedback and would love to receive some, I am simply trying to make my life happier and would love to help others as well.

Thank you for reading me