Hey everyone,

I'm 17 and a senior at a large (2,500 kids) public high school. I've struggled with depression for 6 years, and things are worse now than ever. My anxiety is at an all time high and I'm becoming increasingly paranoid and delusional. I've also self harmed in the past and am only 2 weeks clean. One thing that really triggers me is school. My t works at a local specialized school and she really wants me to come there. She says that it would help me get my meds on track faster and see what works, help keep track of my thoughts, paranoia, and behavior, and I could see her everyday and not have pressure from regular school, the people there, and getting my work done. She said I'm not making any progress seeing her once a week like I do now, and only seeing my pdoc once a month, and that I'm going to keep getting dangerously worse if things continue as they are. I take AP classes and honors classes, I have a 4.0 GPA, and I'm ranked 4th in my class of 600 for academics. However, things have gotten to the point where my grades are starting to suffer, and I'm questioning if I'll even make it to graduation in May, let alone college next year. You're probably reading this post and thinking "wow. Why doesn't she just get over it and go to the specialized school?" but it's not that simple. I'm afraid of not being able to keep up with my classes from there, (because they are extremely challenging), my family's reaction (they'll have to pay and they really think this whole mental illness stuff is bull), and if it will even help. I don't even know if I want to go there or not. I feel like I'll just become more of a problem to my parents than I already am, and it will screw up my senior year, which is supposed to be the best year of my life. I'm really lost and confused, and I don't even know if this'll help. This is really weighing heavy on me right now. I guess I'm just here venting and asking for your opinions or experiences, ect.

Thank you anyone who reads this (its longer than I expected),

Nomad