you know what, i think that at one point in everone's life they hit a wall. and they ask themselves what am i living for? i supose its deep inside of you. your desires, even if you dont think you have them, they exist.
-i believe that if you allow yourself to continue the abusive path then thats your choice. but its also your choice to not. mmm about the "enjoying life" well i see it in others too but i ask myself why. for me, personally i know why. but for you, maybe its about asking for help...(that has me)
im sry that you feel this way, no one should have to feel like this. personally id rather see smiles on everyones faces (including mine) but because that is not going to happen, we have eachother. ill be here if you need to talk.
-i know you've probably heard this a million times and it might sound stupid, but it has truth...."you can be anything you set your mind to", that includes (happiness too..and all the other mumbo jumbo). think about it.