I want to thank all of you for the Thoughts and Prayers,

I had been doing ok till last evening. I have been comforting everyone else. Making all the plans. There have been so many phone calls and visitors.

Last evening my younger brother came over to go over pictures with my husband for the viewing. All of a sudden it just became too much. Too much to handle. It felt like I could not breathe anymore.

Then my husbands twin brother arrived from Virginia, with Jason's cousin and her two beautiful boys 4 and 2. They looked so much like Jason when he was little. I wanted to be a good hostess, but I could not bare to hear their little voices and laughter.

I just wanted to believe none of this is true. I kept seeing Jason on the floor behind his bedroom door blue and lifeless. I rembered screaming at my my husband does he have a pulse quick start CPR. I remember breathing for him. Calling 911 dropping the phone. I remember all the vomit coming up when I was try to get him to breath. It was strangling him, I tried so hard to get it all out. I was slapping him on the face yelling Jason breathe breathe !

Last night I was obsessed with what were his last minutes like. Did he suffer. Why was he by the door was he trying to get to us ?Why didn't I here him fall?
Why WHY WHY
I have to get Through to Thursday, I don't know if I can ?