Thanks to all who have replied.
Tsunamisurfer: sorry you are constantly reminded of your BP by the depressions but glad the mood stabilisers help. Guess I'm convinced about the depressions but not sure about the hypomanias. Also I've been good for a while so the doubt creeps in (not that I'm complaining about being stable!)
Landskaperdan: glad the meds help
Noneedtoknow: I've changed a lot of my coping mechanisms since I was last depressed and wonder whether that would make a difference if I went of meds. Hope you stay ok off your meds.
VenusHalley: I wonder how much of our illness is society's pressure to be perfect and fit the mould. If we were accepted with our quirks would they have such a bad effect on us.
Innerzone: definitely in a good place with this pregnancy but not thinking of going off meds cos I know the post partum period will be tough to say the least but still can't help but wonder... I was diagnosed at 27 but had been medicated on antidepressants since my early twenties so the only non drug induced behaviours were when I was 20-21. I guess I'll talk with my pdoc about it next appt but that's not for a while.