Ugh. I certainly feel for you and can understand that kind of pain. I felt rejected by my family for most of my life, and it is incredibly painful.

Through therapy, I was able to better understand the dynamic - and was able to allow my family to own what's theirs and for me to own what's mine. Knowing that I am able to be in a place where I can choose to work towards having healthier people in my life is empowering as well.

Unfortunately, it doesn't take away from the sense of loss and grief from experiencing such pain throughout my childhood. That's a whole process in itself.

It's difficult to see that you have some control over this. Hurting yourself isn't going to change the situation. In fact, it only makes it worse for you.