"The people that I have so much anger toward dont care and have shown me they dont care over and over. For the longest time, all I wanted was an apology. Which never came. It continues to not come because they are perfect and refuse to apologize." quote Rose

The truth to this Rose is that these people simply don't "know enough" to "see their ignorance and shortcommings". They only "think" they are perfect however as you have come to learn, they are actually "shallow, ignorant, and perfectly imperfect".
They are "nothing without their "things or materialistic surroundings".

What you have not yet truely recognized is that these people are actually spiritually and emotionally "destitute". Your subconscious mind is still struggling with understanding the "true worth of a human being" because it is "these ignorant people" that taught you that "the things they have are what makes a person "valuable" and even "powerful" and worthy of "respect". And your brother is showing you how awful the result of this "thought pattern" taught to a child can be so destructive. You have been struggling with this yourself, however out of all these people you are finally the "only one" that is seeing the reality and moving away from the "ignorance" they impressed upon you.

This is a "difficult stage" of recovery. When abuse comes from one's own family members, it is a challenge when you get to a point where you can "identify" the abusers this way. To see "their" willfull ignorance and also see what it cost you personally is a big challenge. Ofcourse you are going to be "angry" at seeing the reality of "any abuser" and how it caused you "emotional bankruptsy" as well.

And it is "normal" to go back and forth with anger towards them, and anger towards self for perhaps not seeing it sooner or even knowing how to "react to it". It is also very hard to look back at the times where you felt a need and how many times it was not met. And when the majority of PTSD victims see these problems and realize the loss and hurt it causes, they often have a temedous urge to find a way to "expose" the truth for "all to see".

This is a very "normal" human response for anyone who has been any kind of victim.
We are actually designed to experience these urges in order to alert other human beings of some kind of potential harm. Anger is "energy" and it is there to provide us with certain chemicals that give us enough strength to "fight" for our survival. But it is also there so that we become more alert to "gaining knowledge" as well. And it "can" be used to drive us to find new ways to "self empower and learn new ways of protecting our personal boundaries".

When we finally learn to see something "bad or toxic about others" we do not have to tell ourselves to be "angry". If we are only just seeing the "reason for our emotional pain" that we did not understand before, it doesn't mean we have to be "angry" at ourselves for not having an immediate "resolve" for it either. This can be a challenge when someone presents with PTSD, as with PTSD it is harder to regulate our emotions. We do not "have to be angry", we can have other "options" that we can learn to use instead of just "anger".

A way to help oneself deal with anger is to sit down and write out a list. I am angry because....and then list the things that others have done to you that have hurt you.
As you write this list it is important to include whatever background you can that created "this abuser". What this does is help you see what this abuser really is. Often abusers are people who themselves have been hurt or neglected or abused as well. By doing that you can also become familiar with the "victim" inside the abuser.
The reason you need to do this is so that you can see the "vulnerable part" that abuser is trying to protect, but does so in very "unhealthy" and often "ignorant ways".

Often we look at our abusers as purely evil and purposely harming others. By tearing down their exterior abusive ways, we can see the frail person that is really there. When we do that, we can see how "we are actually better than" the abuser in ways we do not see. The goal is to finally be able to react to the abuser knowing that "they are actually the victim in many cases" and that "we can choose to no longer be "their victim". In our subconscious, instead of seeing a large looming power over us, we can instead see a small minded ignorant person that we are "larger than" instead.

The truth is, we "can" actually become "larger than" any abuser. The moment we choose to walk away from "ignorance" and embrace our intellect instead, we begin to self empower in ways abusers can no longer control.

The first step is in identifying the abuser or ignorance. Then allow ourselves to "learn what that means" and to "develope ourselves inspite of it" We cannot "change" those who choose "ignorance", we can only choose to walk away from ignorance ourselves towards "self empowerment".

I admitt that I still struggle with "anger" myself. But I keep working on learning and self observing as well as reminding myself that I do not have to always respond with "anger". I am really trying to "reason" instead.

Open Eyes