PTSD. I don't need to go to a doctor to have them diagnose me with it. I know with every bone in my body that I have it. It has left this permanent scar on me, thanks to my ex boyfriend.

It's strange because I had gotten into a bad car accident at the end of our relationship and that's when I had this slight epiphany of our relationship. After the accident I had severe PTSD because I wasn't wearing a seat belt and I was ejected while the car was rolling. This is relavant because I've coped and managed my PTSD with my car accident better than my past relationship.

I'm wondering why I'm still dealing with all the triggers and troubles from my past relationship still? We we're only dating for about 11 months. And still, over a year and a half and it's still here. I just feel bad for my boyfriend now. He has been dealing with all of my emotions and insecurities for 1 1/2 years. Not many things trigger the sexual abuse I've encountered, which is good. It's more the emotional abuse I've been struggling with. My ex cheated on me at the end of our relationship and hid things from me and I'm nervous that my boyfriend will do the same. I have HUGE trust issues. I'm also afraid that he's not attracted to me or he doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about him. I'm so paranoid. I'm unhappy with how I feel and how I treat him. I appreciate him so much for helping me through this. I know if I don't fix this or cope with my PTSD, our relationship won't last much longer.

I just don't want this to get worse. It feels like it's getting worse, honestly.

I don't know what to do. I've tried the same method I used for my car accident, but it's not working. I know I need to talk and explain my situation to feel desensitized, from there I need to figure out how I'm going to get through this. Bah. I really could use some advice and help please.

Thank you for your time, all.

Bailey