i agree with alot of what everyone else says.

the best thing to do is to take things one day at a time. i believe we all have a purpose in life, whether its to help others, to raise a family etc. we all go through stages of feeling that we dont belong and that we have no existence. been there myself.

we all have things in life that put a smile on our face, even if its watching a good comedy, listening to music etc. they are all passions we have and by exercising these makes us happy in the long run.

people around us who dont have as big a troubles that we do may seem happy but we dont know whats going on inside their head. when i leave to go out and to work i am a happy person, friendly, always laughing, making jokes. i know how to make people smile. 99% of these people dont know my past, so to them, i may be one of these happy people you speak of. but when im on my own i do get down. im not being false with everyone, i am being myself. but i leave my troubles at home to deal wioth out of sight of everyone else. this could just be what some people around you are doing.

if we have been abused previously, no matter what abuse it may be. we do seem to "attract" more int he future. its because we grow strong against it and unfortunately there are people in life who envy strong people, so they target them to try to make them weak, it gives them satisfaction. that is the reason abusers do this, to gain power and satisfaction from hurting somebody. and this is why someone who has been abused int he past gets it later in life, whether people know you have been abused previously or not. you still gain that strength that people dont like. survivors of abuse are strong, and to others that can be a threat. it shows they dont have power over you or your emotions so they will try to defeat you. its an unseen strength that we humans pick up on sub-conciously, no matter how you act. it takes more strength to be able to stand up and deflect the abuse/abusive behaviour away from you, but you will learn how to do it. then you will lead a happier life because people wont be upsetting you anymore.

keep up the good work and stay doing things that put a smile on your face, even if it makes you mile for a second, its still a smile.

you will realise your purpose in life soon enough, when you are ready to achieve it. good luck for that moment.

simon