I have arthritis in my neck and back. C5 thru C7 are the biggest problem. The two discs in there are deteriorated. Lots of normal activity causes me to have neck pain. Vicodin ordered for me in July helped enormously. I made 30 tablets (10/325) last almost 3 months. I learned to avoid things that set off pain. Being at my computer (a desk top) seems to be about the worst thing I can do. So I cut down on that. I try to watch my posture.

Housekeeping chores can cause me to wake up the next day with quite a bit of pain in the neck and back. That's when a tablet of Hydrocodone can help enormously and the relief seems to last me a long time.

I know my pain must be small potatoes compared with what so many endure and have to take a lot more pain med to deal with. For me, pain is very anxiety arousing. I saw two persons very close to me end up with some degree of paralysis that started out as "arthritis." For each of them, spinal stenosis led to myelopathy and loss of function. One lost the ability to walk without great difficulty. One lost the use of one arm. I get terrified with worry about what will happen down the road.

I see people at the grocery store who are stooped over and still able to go out and shop. So I know that there is no predicting what will happen to me.

Doing things helps my lower back, but aggravates my neck. I've gotten very depressed. I've done nothing for two days now. I get into a state of apathy and despair.

Monday, I say my primary care doctor, who told me that he could not order any more Vicodin for me unless I stopped taking my sleep medication and go into a special med-monitoring program that is for people taking pain med on a chronic basis. It means I have to go to the office every month for a prescription and submit to occasional urine testing for drug screening. I have no history of substance abuse and I feel that this testing is degrading to me.

Tuesday, I saw my psychiatrist who feels the same as I do about me stopping my sleep med abruptly. I take Restoril (Temazepam 30mg) every evening. I have been on that for a couple of years and I can not stop it quickly. Times when I ran out of it and was too depressed to go get a refill, I would end up in very bad shape. It was my pdoc who explained to me that I was very dependent on this benzodiazepine and that suddenly being without it was probably the cause of great difficulty for me. Tuesday, he advised me that it might take months for me to be tapered off it.

I had to choose between these two drugs. What is so upsetting to me is that I was allowed take both from July through October. Now, suddenly, I have to give up one. I am not yet habituated to Hydrocodone, so I chose to give up that. For two days I've done next to nothing for fear of setting off pain and having nothing to calm it down. (Actually, I have two tablets of Hydrocodone that I am keeping for emergency use. I sometimes have disabling pain, if I overdo activity.)

I am so angry that my doctors don't collaborate at all. They are on the same campus working for the same university hospital system. I wish now that I had never been given that first presciption for Vicodin. It showed me that the pain and discomfort could be relieved. It showed me that I did not have to be afraid of vacuuming my house for fear of how I would wake up the next day.

My PCP doctor said that I should treat the pain. My pdoc said that I should not go off the temazepam as quickly as my other doc thought was doable. Two doctors telling me opposite things. Neither one of them was all that nice about it either, though my pdoc seemed more understanding and he suggested I ask for some other pain med that would not require the trade off. I think the other pain med he suggested was either Talwin or Tramadol. I might be wrong on that.

I have bad anxiety and I am becoming extremely depressed. I feel they don't really care about me. I never asked for that sleeping pill, in the first place. It was pushed on me by a resident pdoc. I hate the whole system. I think they create a problem and then blame me for it. I feel awful. Mainly, I am afraid of getting involved with Vicodin, as I've been reading about how addictive it is. But I have no courage in the face of pain. I really am a coward about pain, and I see myself staying in bed, reading for the rest of my life . . . and hoping that my life doesn't go on very long. I felt very put down by my PCP. Then when I went next day to see my pdoc and discuss my dilemma, he said that I had come in there "with an agenda." That hurt me. Of course, I have an "agenda." Does anyone go to a doctor without one?