IMO there is a big difference between excusing past behaviour vs. seeking support for a current attitude that includes understanding and making a sincere attempt to change and improve.

To me that past is in a way irrelevant (only in the context of your message here... it may never be irrelevant for your wife or others around, or to others that have been in similar situations) but what is important is your attitude now. You do not seem to making excuses for your behavior but seeking understanding of possible causes in order to change this behaviour. You are also taking concrete steps to improve, such as posting here and getting therapy for yourself.

This is not only a commendable step for your own future and those you will be around, but will also hopefully break the cycle of violence in your family making this a good thing to be passing down to future generations.

I cannot speak for whether this may be a sensitive topic for other members here but I hope you can find some support and the help you need to get past this from a community like this one. Again, in my opinion, I do think it is appropriate to provide support for someone trying to improve without necessarily condoning past actions.

I think a big element in this is taking responsibility for mistakes, owning them as the saying goes. We can't change the past, but we can face it and learn from it.

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