Thanks peachy. i sometimes feel guilty that i feel this way im sure there are people out there that just cope and that just get on. i used to be like that but now i don't seem to be able to, now i just feel like that no matter what i do when i stop doing it all the problems will still be there and i won't have achieved anything. I wish i could find a way out i know there is no quick fix but i want there to be one. I want to feel better i hate myself so much now. I just don't understand in one lifetime how so much crap can be dealt to one person. It feels like anything bad that could happen has happened to me. You name it death rape abandonment repossesion bankruptcy criminal records illness divorce seperation abuse i've exprienced them all i just don't know how much more i can take or how much more can be thrown at me. I must sound so pathetic and like i'm over exagerating but truly it's all going on in my life. Why me? what did i do that was so bad that i deserve all this? I just want to smile i know it sounds silly but i want that more than anything.