This must be hard but the pain will pass. You will be able to find your strength. Hang in there.

Opening up and admitting that we aren't always strong isn't easy but can also be a great thing. It releases you from the chains. We tend to live in a society where asking for help is seen as weakness but really admitting your vulnerabilities is such an amazing strength. You definitely do deserve to get the help you want.

I agree with Sannah that it seems you are struggling to allow yourself to feel. Take is slowly Seek out help when you can from your therapist or here.

You can do this