Hi Listener,
There is definately somethig healing and cleansing about getting it all out. Im thankful there is someplace like this where I can when I need to to. I know divorce is not easy. Ive heard of amicable divorces, it does happen, but it wasnt my case either. Too much emotional investment to be rational, uncertainty about the future, grief, feelings of failure, anger, betrayal, Im sure I left out more than I put in. But thats enough for anyone to go a little bonkers. In my situation, I could see the marriage was failing long before she could. In my macho bravado, I suggested divorce long before she did. When she finally agreed, I did a turn-about Houdini would have admired. But she wasnt buying. She took our son and moved to LA, 1200 miles away. Im not going to point fingers. Things got real ugly, real painful. I made a lot of mistakes, out of fear, I thought I needed to do something to secure visitation, I granted her custody. Things didnt mellow out. To her, anytime I wanted to see him, which meant I had to take at least a week from work and travel and book a motel, etc., was not a good time. Im not real agressive, but it must have seemed that way. I was worried I would never see my son again. I had to force myself to see that this wasnt about me. The person who mattered most of all, and still does, was him. I made a choice to back out of her and his life. I havent seen him in over 10 years, even talked by phone. Many would say that's irresponsible, that I have a duty to be there. I was a child of divorce myself. Nothing more painful ever happened in my life than when mom and dad split up. I used to wish on stars that they would get back together, it was all I wanted in the whole world. But it didnt happen of course, mom and dad hated each other. When I was with one, he/she would bad talk the other and vice cersa. My two favorite people in the world hated each other. I couldnt put my son thru it. She re-married, had a lot more kids, they lived happily ever-after. Some day when my son is older, I will tell him why I did what I did. Her family is close to where I live and I can find them anytime. If he cant understand, then I can only hope that someday he will. Im only sharing this to say I understand how hard it is to be away from what you love more than anything. It is very ironic that you sound the more together of the two, yet he has custody. I feel the judicial system entirely failed me too. In a perfect world, we could all afford the high priced sharks that earn a living ripping families apart. (just a little resentment here) I hope you can work things out with your ex, but if you cant, give your kids a hug for me.

"This too shall pass...."