I don't have an ADD dx. I haven't tried meds for it but they are all super expensive and now with no insurance I don't think that's possilbe. My husband is the one with ADD (but I think he may also have BP.) I don't think I have ADD though.

The thing that triggered me is that I lost something that I can't get back. And it's not like a major important thing that was lost but it was important to me and there's no way to get it back. It was like an oportunity. Once you lose your oportunity it's over. Right? So anyway.... I was really angry and hurt by this lost thing and it's kind of complicated.... anyway...

Then later I was not sleeping because I was really mad, so I went to sit alone in the office to try to calm down, and I saw that my dad had called 2 times on Saturday on my broken phone. I haven't spoken to him or seen him since the huge fight on Dec. 16. But I've had some pretty major rage melt downs (when alone) about him and his stupid wife. Anyway, I listened to the messages right then, which was a stupid idea.

In the first message he just says it's him and to give him a call. The second message he says to call him because they have something to give me, then "Love you bye." And then I just went and laid down and like sobbed for an hour in like this rage and sorrow mixed with like intrusive thoughts.... and like thoughts of him laying dying int he hospital all alone, but me both super angry and super sad. Because he lied to me and he's so judgemental and I have spent my whole life trying to live up to his stupid standards. So it's like this rage/sorrow mix.... I don't know how I didn't wake up my husband, he must have been really tired.... And then this morning my dad texted my old phone saying he wants me to go over there this weekend.

He could either be wanting to give us our christmas presents or our 30 day notice to get out. I don't know. But I don't want to see him or talk to him. And I can't think logically and I know if I talk to him right now I will just explode. So it was one trigger into another trigger, and into another one....

This is why I always say to all you parents who are there for your kids no matter what that you are a good parent because my dad turns his back on me and lets me struggle and then judges me for it, then tries to act like everything is fine. It's wrong.