I am not sure what resources you have where you are at but you need to speak to a counselor. I don't know what your culture and upbringing in regards to sex but it sounds to me like you think it is "dangerous". If you are having religious clashes with your feelings it this was the way you were raised by your family the only way you will be able to come to term with this, is to get professional help so someone can get the whole picture.
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