((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Please make an apt with a T ASAP! - or tell someone that you trust what is going on and let them help you set up the apt that is greatly needed. YOU should not and do not have to suffer like this - there is help out there for YOU!!
While I cannot tell you what is or is not wrong with you - I can tell you that I have gone thru something similar and it was due to my PTSD and DID.

Take-Care and Stay Safe........ we all here at PC care about you.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -