I am right there with you.. in my lifetime it has been... sexual abuse by both parents and two brothers... from very early age to teenager..blocked memories.. abusive relationship.. death of the only person who loved me...2 brothers in prison.. gun held to my head..stalked....foreclosure on a home.. divorce.. medical problems too numerous to mention.. son gone from my life from age 10 to 18... so much pain.. so much unfairness. trauma after trauma...

But for me, having it spread across a lifetime seemes to have helped me cope.. shrug it off and keep right on going.. pretending I was fine.. keeping my chin up..praying and having faith in God.., and one day it all seemed to just hit me.. everything I had been through.. so much I never really dealt with. .experienced the emotions of..

I lived through the experience but my emotions were shut down.. I never really FELT the pain and anguish of what happened to me...never felt the anger over the treatment I sustained.. until therapy ..

I am often overwhelmed... it sounds like thats where you are now.. overwhelmed and feeling depressed and hopless.So much to work through. I think one day we wake up and it is time to heal from all the pain.. the wounds...it presses down upon us without warning and despite our own resistance...

Its especially hard for those of us who have always been the "rock" and the one others depend on for advise and encouragement and comfort...we don't know how to help our own self.. we can't bring ourselves to even admit we might need help.. a shoulder to cry on... a word of advise..

Its okay.. I understand... I may not have the right words to show that do understand.. sometimes they fail me... but I know what its like to feel like you are being punished for existing.. and I know what its like to not be able to ask for help.. or tell whats wrong... and talking is the key too.

The more I talk in therapy.. the more I am freed of the pain.. the closer to healing I get.. and its hard too.. tiring..alot of tears..but its worth it.. therapy was the best thing I ever did for ME.... I still have a hard time opening up.. revisiting those painful times in my life.. but I keep on trying..because I want to heal. I want to be whole for my family....

Please feel free to talk all you want to. share your stories.. let it out.. free yourself of the inner turmoil that is so frustrating... you did good coming here.. great first step by all means!! And not easy to do, I know..but the more you talk.. the more you share.. the easier it gets.. and the lighter the burden becomes...

I am here for ya.. anytime you need to talk.. pm me if you feel like it...I have a long way to go in my own healing but I have come a long way too...

It does get better.. the sun wil shine for you again.. you can take your life back... be patient with yourself.. and believe that nothing you have experienced has been punishment at all.its simply life can be unfair...

Good Luck....