Quote:
Originally Posted by radio_flyer
amandalouise ....
I wrestled with your comments last night and most of today. What comes to mind is that "WAS" "so me" to just not make waves. Always be nice. Do the right thing. Don't make others upset. Maybe they just had a "bad" day . I'm bigger than that. I can handle it. Just don't make waves and things will settle down. We must never upset anyone or make them angry. We must tiptoe. Never make noise. I don't bother you, then you won't bother me. God forbid if we make anyone angry. Even if they invade our boundries... Say nothing. We know better than to invade other's boundries. We have "NO" rights, feelings or wants...Did you notice I said that "WAS" the me. Well, that isn't me anymore.
You said "what it all boils down to we all have our faults and kwerks that bother other people". Yes, this is true... But the problem with the renter isn't "quirks". When I was putting up the Christmas tree, he said I was making too much noise.. He complains my dog barks too loud. He complains my tv is too loud so he comes down stairs and stands there with folded arms, tapping his foot, expecting me to immediately turn the volume down. He walks around like he is the "landlord". That we comply to whatever he wants. This, in my opinion, doesn't fall under "quirks" as it does someone that deliberately tries to get under my skin.. AND you think I should wash his dirty dishes.. NO WAY. I even told him that if he wants to get along and have a peaceful environment to lay off my back.. He has chosen to be a "troll"
You said "unfortunately you cant control what other people do, think or say. its just part of being human and having the rights to make our own decisions"... Hello, needless to say, I have "rights "too. I am "human" too...
Bottom line, I now resent those who impose on me for their benefit.... Those who impose "their" rights on my "territory"........SO for a test, I washed the few dishes he left the other night. My stomach started to burn, I started to feel ill...So this is my reward for not "making waves" and making the environment peaceful. Well then, who does it benefit should I wash the renter's dishes. It benefits him, not me. I feel "used". Why? Because I am the one stuck at the sink washing his dirty dishes, stomach churning while he is laying on the sofa watching TV. Seems to me he should be doing his own dirty work.. Not me..
I do appreciate your comments.. Although I don't agree, I do respect your opinion. Thank you for taking the time to respond..
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yes you have rights but you cant force someone to do something they dont want to do.. at least here in new york the law says everyone makes their own decisions unless they are under the age of 18. adults are free to make their own decisions about what they want to do and say. not everyone is going to do and say things the way we want things to be done or said...
for me it boiled down to not fighting over dishes when I could use the time better by washing the dishes and going on with my life...
could I have handled the situaiton differently sure I could have.. I could have stood there argueing and argueing and the dishes sit there until they grew moldy.. I could have found a new place to live, I could have kicked the renter out...
these are all actions that ....I ...could have taken.
but one action just isnt possible ...forcing another adult to go wash the dishes if they choose not to do so. theres no way to force an adult to do things the way we want them to.. we can ack them we can yell at them we can kick them out but that doesnt mean the renter is going to do those dishes...
let me use another example...posters here on psych central... can you force someone here to do something they dont want to do for example maybe the word sunshine triggers you, irritates you and you want posters to not use that word to find a different word to discribe the weather where they are..you can ask them, you can place them on ignore you can report them but that does not mean they are going to stop using the word sunshine and post the way you want them too right..
its the same when you are room mates or renting...you can control yourself and your reactions/ options of what ...you can do....but you cant force the room mate or renter to do those dishes.
thats my point when I said unfortunately you cant control other people.. there are many people in my work and private life I would just love to be able to control and make them do things my way but theres no way to do that..I would love my co worker to stop leaving her empty coffee cups on the desk, or gosh I wish "franklin" would stop farting as he walks by, and "jerry" really needs to stop leaving his nasty nose wipes around.. we can ask, we can threaten, we can impose rules....but only my co worker can decide whether to throw her coffee cups away or not, only franklin can decide whether to consult a doctor or not about his gas problem and only jerry can decide whether he wants to stop leaving nasty nose wipes all over or not.. I cant control their unsanitary ways and that they cant or wont take care of things, all I can control is me and my actions.