I have questions about EMDR. I have tried conventional counseling but, it was unsuccessful. I suffer from some deep seated emotional issues arising from my childhood. I grew up in a home that was totally devoid of any type of love or attention. There was a great deal of emotional abuse and threats of being abandoned.

I do not know for certain but, I may also have been sexually abused as a young boy. I have very vague memories of this incident but I just can’t recall anything specific. I have a terrible feeling that this was the case and I have actually started to fear the answer.

I have tremendous fears of loss of loved ones or anyone close to me. My wife of 23 years passed away 7 years ago. Even before I married her, whenever I got close to someone I typically drove them away with my intense emotions toward them.

Recently, I met a woman who I thought I had fallen in love with. She broke off our relationship and my reaction was scary. I actually faked being ill in an effort to get her back. I was horrified by my action and realized that I really didn’t have any feelings for her. I think it was that she gave me so much attention that I became addicted to her. Nevertheless, when I realized that I really don’t have any feelings for anyone, I was completely perplexed by my actions.

I have taken every personality test and personality disorder test I can find. Oddly enough, none of them review anything completely out of the ordinary. What caused this all to surface was a mistake by my doctor.

I recently started hormone therapy and someone forgot to give me the pills that prevent estrogen build up in men. My estrogen levels went off the chart in one month and I became extremely emotional. After addressing the problem, I read some of my journal and was mortified by what I read. It seems very clear to me that there was a sexual assault and my true feelings for my parents were clearly spelled out.

I lead a very normal life and hold a high level position in my company. I have always been an overachiever and am usually the life of the party. It seems that even though I have managed to be successful, I am extremely insecure and completely lack any self-confidence. I suppose I am a very high functioning sick man.

I truly hope that someone will tell me that EMDR has worked for them.