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Hi. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I wake up after only a few hours of sleep, screaming and/or crying. Sometimes it was a nightmare and other times I can't remember anything. Either way, I'm too shaken to go back to sleep so I'm getting, on average 2-2 1/2 hours of sleep a night. That, alone, is taking a huge toll.
I can't concentrate. It's taken 34 minutes just to write this much. My head hurts all of the time but I can keep it at a pain level of 4-5 by taking 4 Excedrin Migraine every four hours. I can barely communicate verbally because I either can't find the right words or I know what I want/need to say but I can't get it to come out. It's so frustrating that sometimes I just sit and cry.
I constantly feel like my mind is going to snap and this is the last minute I'll ever be sane and it terrifies me. I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm confused. My husband and my best friend look at me like I've grown two heads every time I try to tell them how I'm feeling. They say they love me. They say they want to help. They say "Just tell us what you need so we can help" but, when I do tell them what I need, nothing happens and nothing changes.
I feel trapped, like everything is closing in on me. I'm screaming for help but no one can hear me. Sometimes it takes everything I have not to jump up out of my chair and go screaming out into the night. I can't do this and I can't take this any more. I...I just don't know what to do, where to go, or where to turn and I'm so very, very, tired of this life.
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