I hope today my family finally finds me a doctor... I don't know if it's OCD or postpartum psychosis, but it seems to me I could kill all my family and my newborn... I keep having those thoughts and sth like impulses all the time and it's hell... I think my family could be in danger or maybe not... I don't know anymore. I can't stop crying all the time and hiding diverse things - knives, laces. I can't bare if hot iron is on the table. I can't drink hot tea near my loved. I feel like I'm in the grave, in the darkest and coldest place in the world, I'm already dead.

Maybe I'm mad and I agree to be closed in mental hospital.They will
deprive me parental rights, my husband will divorce me, my parents' heart will be broken... My life is going to be totally ruined due to this f*cking mental disorder! I HATE IT!!!! Maybe I'm a bad person. the worst person in the whole universe!!! I simply hope I'll be in doctor's office ASAP.