First of all, 3 months is an amazing achievement that should be acknowledged. Well done. You can do this. You can get there again. I know it's difficult now but you can do it

Most doctors do not see SI as a danger. With a little understanding they often see it for what it is - pain release, not necessarily suicide intent. But as hard as it is I really suggest talking to someone. You should not have to do this all on your own and having someone you can talk to and who can keep you accountable really can help.