Im bipolar, been hospitalized 8 times for it. Recently, was very manic for almost a year, then had period of about 5 months where i actually felt like had normal emotions. Have had more very hurtful things than i thought could ever deal with happen in those normal feeling months. Also, very bad extremely painful disease that is bad right now n just keeps getting worse. Throughout it all, have somehow had a neutral outlook on it all.....until a few days ago. Depression hit me like a bus. Within few days already thinking about hospital. No clue how this happened. I do take my 2 psych meds twice a day n due to physical illness have been missing my day dosage alot, if not every day this past month. Maybe that caught up w me idk?? Maybe everything going on finally sunk in how horrible it all is?? My thoughts are nonstop n driving me absolutely bonkers!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel like have nobody i can truly talk to, especially without being judged. Have not been able to do anything but lay in bed in the dark n think. Even my dog is freaked out, very clingy. Like, she is very set in her ways n routine n she has all of her 10 yrs slept at foot of bed, but she is sleeping cuddled up w me. So sweet, but im too depressed to even give her attention when she does it. Coming on here has my first time i felt a little better n distracted in a way. Was on board alot in past years n then kinda disappeared about a year ago. Had to even get a new username bc couldnt remember any of my info, not even my old email info.