I know I don't know you or Jason, but I lit a candle because having lost so many loved ones and having kids his age plus a son who is 27, my own heart just relates to your pain and loss so deeply. I'm not sure there are words to tell you how to go on til Thursday. It's just something you seem to do because you have no other choices. You either give up or go on, and you know you can't give up so you go on. It's so natural to be triggered and to re-live the events; also to ask yourself WHY????? It's just all such a normal part of the shock, trauma, and grief. I don't have to tell you that it is Hell because you already know it. At first you go through preparations and you seem to be the rock. You think it's gonna be cool and then you fall apart. I'm just so sorry, and if ever you want to talk or get support, just keep writing away. We are all here. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. I just can't imagine your pain right now. The thought of it makes me shiver. Please accept my condolences. Keep telling yourself you will get through it because somehow, some way, you actually will even though inside you feel you will crumble. I promise.