Ok now.... hiding I get. Keeps us from our social foibles and embarrassments, keeps us from ignorantly crossing unseen lines of decorum, from letting anyone down. It keeps us .... in a word: "safe" not to put too fine a point on it. Yet you're not happy with this choice you've made. You like the safety of being alone but you feel you're dodging some things perhaps - or hiding - as you say. Are you able to ascertain what precisely it is that you're hiding from? I'm not asking you to tell ME, I'm wondering if YOU know and if you do, do you feel that it's justified?

You say that your reclusiveness is completely self destructive. Is it? Maybe hiding IS perfectly fine for a season... you know, for a healing time or something of that sort. As an example, some twenty years ago I had a "season" of completely ditching church which was a BIG HUGE HAIRY deal a that time in my life. But my reasons made sense as we'd just returned from missionary work in Zaire and I was a complete mess of a person. I made progress in that year of sleeping late on Sundays. It was, indeed a good thing for me. But it was just for a season.

For me, alone time is healthy. Even in the huge doses I so much enjoy. You are clearly a different creature and find this state unnatural for you. Do you have a relationship with someone that you could work on growing? Someone with whom you feel normal and natural and nurtured? At church or work or a social club of some sort? Maybe a co worker?