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Hello, this is my first post here and I could use some suggestions. I've been in therapy for six months and although I've started being more honest and open I still can't put into words (written or otherwise) specific memories that I know continue to effect the present. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how to just open up and not be afraid to trust. I really like this lady and she has often been a light during some dark moments but what she wants me to talk about is awful. Her office is my "safe" place and now that she knows more about me I get a bit aprehensive in always telling the whole truth. I'm reminded on a weekly basis that our time together is about me and my story but I'm not really keen on the "all about me thing and that this is all a process." I'm in the military, my life is centered around structure and maintaing control. I've been deployed to many different places to include Iraq and have experienced some less than pleasent events but sitting in her office for an hour every week seems like the most difficult task I have ever undertaken. I led troops in combat, made split second decisions that affected the lives of real people but what always holds me back is the past. I don't know how to let go. Sometimes I think that if I let everything go I won't be strong. I don't feel like a survivor of anything or even like I deserve to be. My outsides never match my insides. I fear the rage of my own emotions because I've never let myself lose control. My means for staying in control aren't so healthy nor are they working anymore and I need help. Sorry this turned into a journal entry but maybe this will help too. Thanks for reading.

~Sailway